A Mary Moment Monday post
In our new house, I find myself with my own room. It’s a bit disconcerting, and I feel a bit guilty about it.
But…I needed a place for my desk and, really, a place to do my writing work (and pay the bills). And here it is, in its very own room.
In the beginning, I put a shelf with toys in here with me, thinking that while I tapped away and did the things I do, the kids could play. My husband frowned, and I had to admit that he was right after the three-year-old started using my desk items and critical papers as her toys.
It’s not that we don’t have plenty of other places for toys. They’re more organized than they’ve ever been, in fact. (How long will that last? We’ll see…)
It’s not that I can’t do my work in some other room, because I can and have, especially at the kitchen table or the little bar we have.
It’s not that I don’t like having my own space, a corner of my own. I love it.
It’s that I feel a bit guilty about it.
There are many reasons for that guilt, but as I’ve spent time pondering it and examining it, I’ve realized that it’s a lot like the other guilt in my life.
That guilt is not helpful. It’s not leading me closer to God.
There’s a place for guilt. I’m a fan, in fact, of my “Catholic guilt.”
Let me define what I mean by that, because I don’t mean “feeling badly about things.” For me, Catholic guilt is an indicator, not something random. It’s a gauge, telling me when I’m close to (or on) “empty,” in need of a sacramental refill (such as Confession).
Feeling guilty about the blessings God has given me is in no way Catholic (or helpful, for that matter). For me, it’s a path leading me AWAY from the abundance in front of me and a healthy appreciation of it.
How do you suppose Mary dealt with guilt? Did she feel guilty about being chosen to be Mother of God?
It’s all too easy to allow guilt–in the name of “Catholic guilt”–drive my decisions. It’s all too easy to ignore the underlying reasons for my guilt and pretend I can’t help it.
It’s novel to me that I can control my feelings. Aren’t feelings as unpredictable as the weather?
Knowing that I am in control (of my feelings…or maybe, more precisely, my reaction to my feelings) changes things. It makes my approach to guilt in general different.
I suspect that Mary battled feelings of guilt, just as we all do, especially when we have other people’s lives to worry about. Guilt is human, and Mary was human.
What Mary has to teach me about guilt is in her approach to it. I think, instead of feeling sorry for herself or abandoning herself to its effect, she turned first to God. I think, instead of complaining about it, she examined it and thought about it.
In Scripture, Mary didn’t do a lot of talking or responding. She pondered. She thought. She reflected.
And, in that, she turned to God FIRST. Her heart magnified the Lord.
I am going to try to take a lesson from her this week and give my unneccesary guilt to God. He can carry it far better than I can anyway.
image courtesy of my three-year-old
When I saw your title all I could think of was that song from the musical Cinderella, In my own little corner, but seriously I know exactly where you are coming from. I have guilt sometimes for having my own bathroom (while my husband insists on sharing with our kids). But in the end, it is practical and I’m blessed my husband allows me as much room as I need for all my beautifying paraphernalia. Keep looking to Mary, she always shows the way!
I’m blessed by my husband, too, Kristen, and isn’t that just what it’s about? 🙂
My problem is that I feel guilty for praying for certain things. For example, so far I haven’t been able to pray for becoming a writer. It seems to me that there are much more important things to pray for, but I suspect that I might be wrong. After all, I’m relatively new to the faith, so I would appreciate your opinion. Can we pray for anything we want?Â
As I’ve grown in the faith, Antonella, I’ve come to realize that God loves to hear from us. I think yes, we can pray for whatever we want to, but ultimately what we want to grow to desire is God’s will for us. It turns into a plea for him to give us the grace to accept his will. And then there’s the fact that you don’t want to just be talking to God when you’re asking for something, so make it a practice to pray in different ways, at different times, for different things, if that makes sense.
*I* will pray for your writing, if that will help. 🙂 I have found great peace internalizing a prayer for discernment and that my work–whatever that may be–will glorify God and serve his purpose. 🙂 I have a lonnnnng way to go! How about if we pray for each other? 🙂
Oh, please do dump that guilt and enjoy your office!!!! Â I’d love one–but the only way I’m getting one is for 2 of my kids to grow up and move out. Â I don’t want to hurry that along; it’s coming up fast enough already.
OK, let’s pray for each other! Thanks for your insight.