A Mary Moment Monday post
Did Mary yell at Jesus? I ask myself that question a lot sometimes.
Like the day I started the draft of this post.
I was trying to remain patient. I was doing my best to keep my voice calm.
I failed. I failed big.
If ever you think I am a model of motherhood or a mentor to emulate, let me set things straight right now. If you look at me and think, “I want to be like Sarah Reinhard when I grow up,” let me correct you loudly. If you smile when you read this and think I’m exaggerating, don’t tell me, because I will want to smack you.
I fail all. the. time. It’s part and parcel of who I am, how I’m made, what I struggle with.
Yelling: an ongoing struggle, a bad habit I fall back upon when I feel pushed, stressed, or otherwise cornered, and something I feel called, of late, to address.
It isn’t going to be easy to address.
Ask my fifth-grade PSR class: I’m not soft-spoken. Ask my husband: I’m not quiet. Ask my friends: I’m not calm.
So yelling fits right in, in many ways, with who I am.
Or so I used to think.
But that question keeps coming up in my mind when I think about yelling. Did Mary yell at Jesus?
Well, maybe she did: “Jeeeeeeesuuuuus! Time for dinner! Come in, wash up!”
I can’t help but think, with some amusement, that she was one of the only people who could yell his name and not be guilty of breaking the Second Commandment.
On the other hand, I can’t help but continue to feel called to silence in different ways. And in that, my tendency to yell seems to clash.
My husband doesn’t yell a lot. For one thing, he doesn’t need to. When it comes to the kids, he can “growl” with great effectiveness. (Sudden insight: I need to learn to growl!) For another thing, he has presence. I can’t explain it more than that, but I get the feeling that it’s ingrained, not something I can learn.
Did Mary yell at Jesus, the way I slip and yell when I’m frustrated or overwhelmed? Did she give in to the emotion and let it out through her voice?
Is my yelling indicative of a lack of self-control? Does it point to a need for greater trust in others, in myself, in God?
As I consider my own question and Mary’s response in other areas, I think I stand a lot to learn, as usual, from Jesus’ mom. Maybe she did yell, but it wouldn’t have been in a way that would have been sinful. She certainly felt frustration, but did she give in and act on it?
Once again, I find myself turning to Mary and leaning back into her arms. I’m going to do my best, this week, to ask for her help when I’m on the brink of yelling in ways that aren’t positive.