Oversleeping can be such an act of humility. I sit in Your house, before Your Presence, knowing my time here is less due to my own failing – I just forgot to set my alarm. My first thought after realizing that this morning was gratitude – at least my normal wake-up time allows me to get here and spend some time with you!
I need this time.
You are my strength, and I need that as I prepare for a difficult visit with family. I need to remember that I’m not 12 and that I’m the mother, perfectly capable of making decisions for my daughter.
It comes down, in some ways, to trust. I do not trust them – and I know Hubby doesn’t either. I don’t trust that they will make the decision for me or my family that puts our well-being first. I don’t believe they ever put my interest before their own. I am not sure they love me – not the way I understand love, unconditional and self-sacrificing.
It’s harder to have and maintain a relationship with them now that I have a child. It is so easy to see how they have failed me and to focus on that. It’s hard to just accept them where they’re at. It’s hard to forgive them when they have no desire to be forgiven because they don’t see that anything’s wrong.
What must Your mercy be like, Lord? How many times do I keep sinning, shrugging off your forgiveness and passing up the opportunity for a better relationship, because I don’t think anything’s wrong? You accept me where I’m at. You don’t focus on how I’ve failed You – and how I continue to do so.
Lord, help me to do the same. Give me strength and wisdom as I travel to visit – help me remain firm but gentle. Help me to model that love I’ve not received from them. Give me the courage to forgive.