My latest column at, “Failed Resolutions,” is more serious than what I’m sharing here today, which is a list updated from a post I did back on the brink of 2008.

Subtitled “Things You Won’t Hear Me Saying This Year”

“Coffee? Never drink the stuff.”

“Um, no, we don’t have any Chips Ahoy or Oreos in the house.” (Assuming, of course, that we maintain our well-ordered universe…)

“Shopping? Sounds like a great way to spend time.”

“Man, I wish I’d never had those kids.”

“I think I’ll spend the day offline.” (On the other hand, maybe I will say that one every once in a while, but it might just kill me…)

“Oh look, my blogroll’s shrinking!”

“Hmm, which blog should I read first? I seem to be all caught up!”

“No, that’s okay. I don’t need any help cleaning. My house is clean already.”

“I was just sitting here, wondering where to find a book to read…”

“No thanks, I’ll pass on the chocolate.”

“I have nothing to say.” (Bet there are people wishing I’d use that one…so maybe that should be some sort of resolution…)

“Twitter? What’s that?”

“I’m bored.”

“I think I’ll take the iPad back. It’s just not what I thought it would be…”