I’m no good at not knowing. I’ve always been one to question things, to seek answers, to research tirelessly.
This morning, as the sun peeks over the expanse of fresh snow outside my window, I don’t know.
I don’t know how the EEG went yesterday. (Results early next week.)
I don’t know how my work flow will work with some of the changes ahead with our family tragedy.
I don’t know if there’s more I should be doing. Should I show up at the pediatrician’s office and demand to know all the options? Should I drive back to Children’s and harangue the doctors there? Should I research online and scare myself until I can’t breathe properly?
No. No. NO.
God doesn’t promise things will be easy. He doesn’t say there will be no pain, no suffering, no sorrow.
I’m scared, and yet I have peace. (It’s one of the great graces I’m experiencing.) I’m worried, and yet I know, without a doubt, that it is all in His hands.
And His hands are big enough, strong enough, able enough.
He can bring good from everything, if only I’ll stay back and trust.
It is no accident that I’m slated to write about Our Lady of Mental Peace and Our Lady of Sorrows in the coming days. I picked the titles and the schedule weeks ago.
I might not know, but He does.
And, in that case, I don’t need to know, after all.
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Thanks, again, for your continuing prayers and support. We are on a wave of grace and blessings, thanks in large part to the love of all of you.
Yes, not knowing is always the hardest, and the best ‘Jesus, I trust in You’ practice. Prayed for you at 3 yesterday and will continue.
There’s always the fallback position of rest and nourishment while waiting… put Christian music on it the house… bake something you and the family enjoys and eat it right after it comes out of the over… just play with the kids or teach them one of your favorite games from growing up. Make a fort in the living room… or take every cushion from the house and make a cozy giant bed–then you all take a nap!
Rest. Put rest and cuddling on the to-do list. It’s Friday. Make it a long weekend. Recover and restore from the mental and emotional overload.
Rest. Eat. Play. Repeat.
Sarah,
My heart goes out to you. My 2009 started similarly, only it was me who was having a stroke at 17 weeks pregnant. The following months of tests and worry were agonizing but through it all I was assured that God would take care of whatever I needed, would comfort me and my family in our anxiety. He is a very loving God and the trials we endure bring us closer to Him. God bless you and your family. You are in our prayers.
Prayers and prayers, and more prayers, Sarah ….
When (if) you need someone to search Medline for you, I’ll do it, and I’ll give you a less scary summary. That’s a promise; just ask. But it isn’t time yet.
I’m praying for you, be at much at peace as you can. And I’m with Pat on the Eat, Rest, repeat recipe.
Agreed, “Jesus, I Trust in You” is all you really need right now, and of course the promised prayers of others.
I just want you to know that I’m still thinking about you and praying for you and your family. I pray that God will bring you comfort in these trying times. Hang in there, and try not to worry while you wait for the test results. Worrying only makes it worse for you to endure.
I am continually awed at the goodness of our God, who puts people in our lives to pray for us. I’m sure you’ve pondered that frequently in the last few days…so many people are praying for you! I’m thankful I’ve been given the opportunity to do that for you – knowing how the prayers of others have sustained me in the darkest moments of my life.
Be at peace, and rest in those prayers. {{HUGS}}
Pat Gohn said it more beautifully than I could have. Do what she says. The other thing to remember is that little ones are more resilient than we can ever believe. Part of this painful ridiculous process is to let the experts figure it all out. Just one thing which should not scare you. These things happen to kids and are not usually a sign of tragedy. Be at peace. Your family has been through so much lately that it might drive one to dispair. But you are buoyed up by a cloud of witnesses in heaven and on earth, surrounded by love that is a reflection of God’s parental love for your family and there is no power on earth or elsewhere that can pierce that almighty force. Rest, enjoy, be at peace. Let the cares of “normal responsibilities” be replaced by the more important things of love and family closeness. We are ALL praying for you, for Elizabeth, for Bob, Allen’s family and your MIL and FIL, all those who love you and whom you love. You are safe.
Know that I am praying for you and asking Mama Mary is wrap her arms around you right now. Thank you for sharing all of this with us. Your faith, trust in Him and grace under pressure is such an inspiration to me.