Thou shalt not start screaming and sic Husband on the loud, opinionated, limited-in-speech group of men behind you who (a) know the coach’s job better than he does, (b) use words you keep trying to forget, and (c) give you a headache. After all, there’s one in every section (your section just has four, that’s all).
Thou shalt stand and clap and cheer, whether or not you know what’s going on. (I am proof positive that not only can you attend a football game – or any sports function – and have not-very-much idea of what’s going on while cheering and losing your voice, but you can also blend in very easily.)
Thou shalt not complain about the weather, because it’s not going to last long anyway. So what if it was 10 degrees cooler in the parking lot and the sun suddenly appeared when you sat down, thus ensuring a sunburn and a rescue from Husband Who Buys Great Hats For His Wife?
Thou shalt sing along with the fight songs (yes, there are two) and Carmen Ohio. This is not optional. You might not sing in Mass, and you might not have a good voice. These things don’t matter. While you are singing, you will also clap and cheer and get teary.
Thou shalt not calculate how many points the home team needs to score before the Reinhard Brothers will consider leaving early (after all, you have great seats and this might be the only game you’re at all season!), even if it means you’ll have a few hours kid-free with that handsome hubby.
Thou shalt be a good sport. It’s just a game, after all. (Not that I will be the one pointing it out to the Big Scary Guys sitting two rows back.)
Thou shalt not let on that you are daydreaming, composing a blog post, analyzing group dynamics, drawing conclusions on social behavior, or even napping. Nothing is more interesting than the football game in front of you (except for the people cramming in all around you, the memories of days gone by, the cacophony of smells, the band…).
Thou shalt savor every part of Script Ohio. (All blog-post composing goes on hold for that near-sacred moment!)
Thou shalt not spend the whole game trying to talk to one of the Reinhard Men who are, of course, interested in the game. Refer to earlier blog-posting, people-watching, napping prompt.