I didn’t get there in time to leave comments. And it’s too bad, because I have a few.
What is it that makes people make comments about the (past your second) pregnancy? Because I’ve been reading a lot about that. Me, I’m on number two, so everyone is giving me the “Oh, YES! It’s time for the next one!” And often, the addendum, “Bet you are hoping for a boy!”
Well, no. Actually, I am praying for healthy. That’s it. Healthy. Gender is negotiable, and I suppose health is too. With the support we have around here, God will get us through it. But gender’s not even on my top five list of concerns. Nope.
If I’m ever pregnant with number six, though, I hope I have the grace to consider the joy, as Michelle does. I hope that I don’t turn red in the face, as I could feel myself getting just reading about, on the one hand, the question about whether she knows about the Pill and what causes that (which aren’t exactly new to me, so why the red face?), and, on the other hand, the open sharing of how that’s all “taken care of” (tubes tied, vasectomies, etc.) (because that’s not exactly a new topic or a new development in our standard everyday parlance of societal conversation either).
Do they really want to hear about how much we love our children? Would they possibly understand how awestruck I am whenever I hold a newborn? How fascinated I am by their sweet smells and ultra soft skin?
Or would they rather hear of my love of the Church and my trust in her wisdom? How being open to new life with every procreative act has deepened my intimacy with my husband? How my respect for myself and my sexuality (and also my respect for the dignity of all people) has matured through the use of NFP? How I have discovered that in all the world the only institution that has stood solidly and consistently for centuries against behavior that hurts both the individual and society is the Catholic Church and that to ignore her teachings on human relations is foolish and destructive?
Or do they want to learn about how I love my vocation of motherhood? How with every child I become less selfish and self-centered? How I have learned to surrender all my thoughts, words, desires and actions to do what is best for the family (and by extension, all of society) not just me?
I’ve asked my MIL many times how she did it with six kids, and I’ve wondered if I would ever be asked the same. And, contemplating my fears about this pregnancy (which have as much to do with my own sad level of patience as anything else), I heard a whisper the other day. With every cross, My grace. With every blessing, My grace. With everything I ask of you, My grace. I carry through the valley, dear child, and I give you joy. Lean on me.
So, Michelle, my biggest salute to you for saying “YES!” to God with style, and for treating the barbs as opportunities. I am so very, very happy for you (as I am for all the others of you who are expecting). These babies are blessings. Scared though we may be, unprepared though the birth may find us, unpaved though the road may sometimes be…this is God’s blessing for us.
Sarah, when you get to Child #3 you will get all those questions, comments and funny looks! How scary is that! Especially if you wind up having “one of each” after the precious one you are expecting now is born.
My husband and I used to teach NFP, and with EVERY pregnancy we’d hear (from our parents and others) “Well, that just shows that NFP doesn’t work!” And we would say, “No, it shows that is DOES!” You can imagine the wide eyes that resulted from THAT.
I know they all think that Little Brother was an “accident” or whatever. All the affirming that we did, that he was planned, wanted and welcomed went for nothing. A 6-year age gap between children automatically is interpreted this way.
But I did have a lot of fun, when people asked if we knew the sex of the baby (we didn’t and didn’t want to), answering “A tie-breaker!”
Sorry to rant on and on. Your post and Michelle’s seriously hit a nerve with me.
This is more about your blog colors:
I just DON’T understand americans during Final Four season. It really is madness.
Warren
[goofy Canadian]
I love big families. I actually make it a point when I deal with someone who says they have X number of kids…and I tell them I love big families. That usually causes a moment of silence and then either a sound of relief or gratefulness…hard to explain. I know that mothers who choose to let God make the decisions in their lives have a hard row to hoe in secular culture.
I had one customer who had triplets, and she laughed at my ungracious-sounding comment.
In part of my interview with her, I asked her how many children she had. She told me 3. I asked how old/range of ages, and she said, “5”.
ALL OF THEM??! I asked.
She laughed at my response and the tone I had (which wasn’t disrespectful, just surprised).
I told her she must be VERY BUSY. She laughed at me again, and I used my standard compliment on her large family. It went very well! 🙂
I’ve already mentioned dreading the comments on my blog. It’s a shame that abortion and birth control are subjects for polite conversation while pregnancy and motherhood draw scorn. I have considered posting a call for obnoxious comments on my blog–asking for the things people have heard from others in order to desensitize myself (or laugh at others’ rudeness)! I haven’t gone public yet. We’ll see in a month or so! I’m on #3, but #2 is close… I, too, wish people could see the difference between unplanned and unwanted!
This is a wonderful post. We’ve had awful reactions for our last 3 babies. My mother didn’t speak to me for a few days after I told her we were expecting #7. I’ll kepp your baby in my prayers.
literacy-chic and ruth, congrats on all your children. Thank you for being so open to God in your lives and the lives of your children!
Sarah, I feel terrible that I never mentioned your pregnancy. Congratulations to your family.