A Mary Moment Monday post
I’ve struggled this winter. I’ve tried to stay quiet about it, because it’s intensely personal and maybe a percentage of it is my imagination (or so I’d like to think).
I originally blamed it on Christmas, but it didn’t really stop when Christmas was over.
Then my husband said something so gently and yet so firmly, and I was unable to ignore it any longer.
There are plenty of Low Self-Esteem Days in my life. I’m not the only one who has them, because I stole this phrase from a colleague of mine many years ago.
What’s been going on lately is beyond low self-esteem. It’s the D-word rearing its ugly head. The battle is not so easily over.
It is, yet again, a reminder of how much, how often, how deeply I need to turn to Mary. There is a danger in isolation, and I find, when I’m slipping down the slope past low self-esteem into something darker, that I start to detach myself (and not in any kind of good way). I put distance between myself and everything I can.
Yet as I feel the gap between me and others grows, I feel the contradictory longing for an embrace. Even as I shrug others off and curl up against them, I want them to know, to be with me, to support me.
That’s where Mary comes in. She doesn’t push herself on me and she always seems to know what to say. Somehow, she is just there, without words, without judging, without weight.
And in her presence, I always find myself leaning toward her Son, reaching for the Light and knowing that the cross I bear (however unwillingly) is not borne alone.
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Over at Suscipio, a post from my early archives is reprinted with my enthusiastic support. Go on over and read about Low Self-Esteem Days, and then poke around at the other good stuff that’s there. Jenny’s doing a great job building a site that’s meant to support and encourage Catholic women.
image credit: Jenny at Suscipio
That’s hard. I’ve struggled with this myself. I’ll send some prayers for you. Mother Mary is always so comforting.
Prayers for you and know that even in your low days you never ease to inspire me!
I’m so sorry. I hate low-self esteem days. I always feel like I’m moving through the day off balance and off key and just like my rhythm is all off and maybe if I could just start over things would click. D is so hard too. I really struggled with it in high school. Praying for you. Your words are always so beautiful even if you don’t feel like they are. Take heart and hide beneath Her Mantle until the storm passes.
These days are so hard, especially on the heels of something as exciting and rewarding as Christmas. I really have to stay on top myself or my slow descent suddenly turns into a huge snowball gaining speed.
And Mary, oh how wonderful to have such a tender Mother. She knows…her titles range from Cause of our Joy to Mother of Sorrows and everything in between…she knows.
Know that you are not alone in your struggle!!!! And know that you’re held in prayers.
Prayers are being said for you, my friend. You still reflect His light, even though you may not feel it. You inspire and encourage me with your words every day.
I went to bed and came back to these lovely, thoughtful, and generous comments. Ladies, THANK YOU. I am so blessed by your kind remarks and outpouring of support.
This is something I needed to hear. I have been there too. I was raised Catholic but we attend a Presbyterian church now. there are times when I still turn to Mary and I feel comforted and understood in a different way.
I hope you are well and can see the light.