A Mary Moment Monday post

I’ve struggled this winter. I’ve tried to stay quiet about it, because it’s intensely personal and maybe a percentage of it is my imagination (or so I’d like to think).

I originally blamed it on Christmas, but it didn’t really stop when Christmas was over.

Then my husband said something so gently and yet so firmly, and I was unable to ignore it any longer.

There are plenty of Low Self-Esteem Days in my life. I’m not the only one who has them, because I stole this phrase from a colleague of mine many years ago.

What’s been going on lately is beyond low self-esteem. It’s the D-word rearing its ugly head. The battle is not so easily over.

It is, yet again, a reminder of how much, how often, how deeply I need to turn to Mary. There is a danger in isolation, and I find, when I’m slipping down the slope past low self-esteem into something darker, that I start to detach myself (and not in any kind of good way). I put distance between myself and everything I can.

Yet as I feel the gap between me and others grows, I feel the contradictory longing for an embrace. Even as I shrug others off and curl up against them, I want them to know, to be with me, to support me.

That’s where Mary comes in. She doesn’t push herself on me and she always seems to know what to say. Somehow, she is just there, without words, without judging, without weight.

And in her presence, I always find myself leaning toward her Son, reaching for the Light and knowing that the cross I bear (however unwillingly) is not borne alone.


Over at Suscipio, a post from my early archives is reprinted with my enthusiastic support. Go on over and read about Low Self-Esteem Days, and then poke around at the other good stuff that’s there. Jenny’s doing a great job building a site that’s meant to support and encourage Catholic women.

image credit: Jenny at Suscipio